Which Ick Is Keeping You From Your Money

There is a feeling a lot of us know pretty well.

It's deciding to ignore your finances because dealing with them feels too hard. It is the chest tightening when your bank app sends a notification. The tab you open and close in the same motion. The "I'll deal with it this weekend" that somehow becomes six weekends in a row. The way someone casually drops "I just maxed out my TFSA" at a dinner party, and you smile and nod while quietly wondering if you are the only adult who does not fully know what that means.

That feeling is real, it is incredibly common, and very human. It is just information, and once you know what you are working with, you can gently begin to do something about it.

The Ick has a lot of different faces

Not everyone's money discomfort looks the same. Some of it is avoidance. Some is shame. Some is just pure overwhelm from a world full of advice and opinions from everyone, from professional financial journalists to FinFluencers.

A few of the most common ones:

• Avoidance — Not looking because it feels safer than what you might find.

• Perfectionism — You will start when you have the right system, the right moment, the right template.

• Comparison — Someone else seems farther ahead. Their portfolio, their house, their apparent confidence around all of this. It's hard to feel like you can catch up, so you lose motivation to try.

• Overwhelm — There is just so much. Life is already busy and when you do go to take that next right step, there are so many opinions, options, and conflicting advice. It's not just finding the energy to do it, it's knowing what to do when you have it.

• "I'm just not a money person" — the belief that you are not good with money. A story you tell yourself that holds you back from even trying.

• Shame — The feeling that you do not have enough, have not done enough, or simply are not enough when it comes to money. Quiet, stubborn, and for a lot of people, the thing sitting underneath all the other Icks.

Most people carry a few of these at once. Some people are running the full set.

You are stronger than your ick

Our Ick thrives on unchecked stories, our busy lives draining our energy, and our need to present ourselves a certain way - it thrives where we feel shame and embarrassment. I say this not to pull you down but to lift you up. Because I want you to feel seen. To know you're not alone. To know that you have a choice.

So how do we get stronger than our ick?

• First, we face it. We acknowledge it and sit in the discomfort for just a little bit. Once we can face our Ick, once we can name it, we take away a little bit of its power. If it's left unchecked, just running in the background of your consciousness, it will drain you. But if you can pull it into the light, tell it you see it hiding there, you are back in control. This won't make the ick go away, but it will empower you to see that you have options. You can choose differently.

Can you name your Ick? Can you identify it in that list? Or if it's something else, what would you call it? There are unique ones that may be your very own.

• We understand how ick shows up in our bodies. What actually happens when you think about money? Is it dread? Embarrassment? Anger? Numbness? Is it in your throat, your chest, your head? Getting specific about your version of the Ick will help you identify when it's showing up - continuing to pull it out of the shadows.

  
  

• We get curious. Your money patterns did not come out of nowhere. They were shaped by what you grew up around, what you experienced, what you were told or not told. Understanding that is not making excuses, it is just getting honest about your starting point. Some of your experience, particularly in avoidance, may not live too far back in your past. It may just be that you've let it go unchecked for too long.

  
  

• We choose our new money identity. Who we are as it relates to money has, until this point, been an unconscious choice. You have the power to decide that from this point forward. You decide if you are someone who:

  • Pays attention to their money

  • Takes care of their money

  • Asks for help when they need it

  • Makes decisions with intention

  • Faces the hard stuff

  • Knows their numbers even when their numbers are uncomfortable; and/or

  • Shows up for their future self.

This does not change you instantly, but staying committed to this new identity, holding on to it as a guiding light, will lead you to continue to make choices that align with it. One step at a time. You make a choice, over and over and over again - each choice a step towards that identity. You'll slip, you'll get off course, and then you choose again.

• You do one small thing. Not everything. One thing. Chances are you already have a few things you can try:

  • Open your online banking and look at yesterday's transactions

  • Look at one statement.

  • Write one number down.

  • Book one conversation you have been putting off.

  • Write out your debts.

  • List what you earn and what you spend.

  • Make a calendar of bill payments.

  • Automate a minimum payment on your credit card.

Small and consistent beats big and overwhelming, every time. If the step feels good, go another, if it doesn't, try something else or try to go at it a different way. You are a scientist not a judge, failure is a mirror, not a stop sign.

• Let someone in. This one is harder than it sounds for a lot of people. But sitting alone with the Ick is not a virtue. Getting support is not admitting failure, it is the most practical thing you can do.

Money stuff is tender for a lot of us. It carries history and emotion and all kinds of weight that has nothing to do with math. Building a different relationship with it is not something that happens in a weekend. It is a slow, ongoing practice, and every small step genuinely counts.

The goal is not to make the discomfort disappear overnight. It is to bring it out of the shadows and to empower yourself to choose differently. In its own way, your Ick is trying to keep you safe, but at the same time it keeps you small. You are not small, you are big and bright and bold. You are stronger than your Ick and you are whoever you want to become with money.